you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
