hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
