Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
