Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
