I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
