you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
