Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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