p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
