I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So much rum. So many feels.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
