You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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