Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
