I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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