Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
