I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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