can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
