onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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