If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
