At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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