mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
