I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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