Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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