my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
