thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
