Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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