I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
