i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
