He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
