I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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