someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
