I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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