I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
