@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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