You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
