Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
