I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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