Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
