the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
