drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize