yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
