you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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