I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
