We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
