I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
