It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are we still banned from the library?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
