bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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