Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
