I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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