May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
