Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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