i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
