how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
