i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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