I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
