I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
