My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
