It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
