Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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