he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
