You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
