I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize