I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
