Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
