Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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