I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
