It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
