i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
