I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
