Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize