someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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